I'm Curious...

It's no secret that large people eat large amounts of food...and make themselves even larger. After working in restaurants through college I have noticed a pattern. For example, fat people order a burger topped with extra bacon, plus lots of mayo, onion rings, an assorment of cheeses and sometimes double up on the burger patties. Then they'll say "I want a side of fries, lots of fries, and I'll go ahead and order my dessert now." After all that, (the best part of this situation) they say "Oh, and a diet coke please." A fucking diet coke????? Why the fuck order a diet coke? Like that will cancel out the humongous, oversized burger that you put into your whalelike, gargantuan self. It baffles me. Maybe they want to make themselves feel better by ordering a diet drink, but come on, you aren't fooling anyone. Kudos to cutting out that extra 140 empty calorie drink but Jesus Christ, if you want to do anything diet then order a soup and salad and a regular coke. You can make that regular coke your treat. I had a friends in high school who worked at fast food restaurants who told similar stories. Craziness.

Just Watch the Amazingness That is Jack White (it's short, so watch it!)

The video clip showcases the genius that is Jack White. This clip is from the DVD "It Might Get Loud" released in 2009 featuring Jack White(The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather), Jimmy Page (of Led Zeppelin) & The Edge(of U2). It explains each generation's thoughts on the electric guitar and music in general. I highly recommend watching the DVD whether you are a music lover or not; it's truly exceptional, entertaining & highly introspective.

Good food & Conversation

This picture taken on my cell phone is the NYC High Line "which is a 1.45-mile (2.33 km) New York City park built on a section of the former elevated freight railroad of the West Side Line, along the lower west side of Manhattan" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_Line_(New_York_City). We met up with my friend Kaki in the Chelsea neighborhood for brunch on Sunday and finished up by walking along this amazing High Line. Though it was cold as shit it really provided a wonderful view of the City. I can only imagine how it looks during the Spring and Summer when the flowers are in bloom and the brushes line the walkway. From the other side you can spot the Statue of Liberty in the NY Harbor.

Having been to NYC so many times I didn't take nearly as many pictures on this trip, unfortunately. I really regret the lack of pictures. It was probably because we were either in a bar or walking to a bar most of the time ;) Speaking of bars we really experienced the best of the best regarding food. On Saturday morning we took the subway to the Soho, a neighborhood in the West Village and walked around looking for a place to eat lunch. I spotted Agozar!, a Cuban-American restaurant & lounge which offered free Sangrias until 4pm. Was it hard to decide after reading the sign offering free drinks? Hell no it wasn't! I ordered a Cuban sandwich that consisted of grilled chicken, spicy mayo, grilled red peppers and avocado which was nestled between two perfectly grilled pieces of bread. Holy shit. It was literally the best sandwich I have ever eaten in my ENTIRE LIFE. My fiance was laughing at me because I was constantly expressing delighted "Mmm's" the entire time I ate.

About 4 Sangrias later I was ready to get a tattoo. Thank God I was stopped from doing that. I make impulsive decisions when I'm sober, too; it really doesn't matter what state of mind I'm in. For example, when I was in high school, I got tested by three different doctors for ADD and according to each doctor I was completely off the charts, showing characteristics of "extreme ADD and extreme impulsiveness." Two of the three tattoos I've gotten was the result of a long, long night. Luckily I actually enjoy the ink and have never regretted it! Ok, back on track -- what amazes me, is that the lowest price for an APPETIZER at any restaurant is $8. Most entree's are well over $15, even if you just order a club sandwich with fries. It's insane. A 12 pack of Corona from the drug store is $25, no lie. I spent every single bit of money I brought with me plus more! But it was all worth every single penny, no doubt. The food in NYC doesn't compare.

In my opinion, there's nothing like good food , good drinks and conversation. That's why Anthony Bourdain is one of my heroes. He knows all about the beauty of humans coming together to ponder, laugh, argue or share stories over a plate of amazing food, washed down by whatever drink we please.

My Heart Hurts

I'm waiting for you, Ashly. I don't know any other way to reach you & I can't concentrate on blog ideas lately. You have made the past few weeks difficult and hard to comprehend, to say the least. Come back and be funny! Or call me.

Hello New York City!!!!

This weekend I will be MIA. It's time to party my ass off in New York City!!!!! One of the greatest cities in the world!!! This year I'll be staying in Midtown. I'm accustomed to staying on the west side of Central Park so it will be a new experience this time.

Story behind New York trip: I bought a record on a whim at Speakertree Records (in Lynchburg) not having any earthly idea what it would sound like. The guy who runs Speakertree knows his music so I usually take any recommendations from him. He suggested this Philly dude named Kurt Vile (awful name) whose record "Childish Prodigy" is a combo of lo-fi, spacey psychedelic pop. It sounds as if he recorded the record in his basement using old ass instruments, which is the appeal to me. So I put on the record at home, sat down with a glass of wine and listened to the entire thing before moving a muscle (besides bringing the wine glass to my mouth and back down again). I swear to God I cried at the end from pure happiness. Well, ever since I gave birth to my son I cry all the time - happy, sad, excited, angry....bored...whatever, it just happens. My fiance thinks something is seriously wrong with me. That's probably somewhat true. So back on track... I look up Vile's tour dates and he is playing at club Europa in Brooklyn this coming Friday the 19th. Impulsively I buy 2 tickets without even thinking about it. $60 round trip on a bus and being able to stay at the Marriott for free (my fiance's parents have Marriott points that they never use) I don't see why the fuck not!? My wonderful, wonderful parents will have the weekend with their grandson and they couldn't be happier. We've gone almost every year since 2005 so it just made sense. Oh, and the opening band is called "Fucked Up." Hmm... it's probably an homage to my future state of being that night. We'll see how this goes...

By the way, I know this blog is called Jackass Sisters but apparently I'm the only sister on here. I can be more creative with my better half. Whenever she comes back this site will improve. My posts are self-indulgent and boring to anyone who reads.

The Beginning of Seven Months.

As of the past week this is how my son looks after waking up each morning. It's seriously insane how quickly babies learn something new - which then immediately becomes second nature to them. My son, Sawyer, figured out how to transfer from a laying down position to a sitting up position without any warning! It's really something to wake up and go into his room to find him sitting up, alert and smiling... he's like, "I'm fuckin' ready to eat people!!" The purple box of wipes was left on the corner of the crib (that you see in the picture) so he clearly found a way to bring the box into the crib and begin to play that shit like it's bongo drums! It's funny because Sawyer seems to master milestones late at night in his crib. As soon as I put him down to sleep he begins the usual loud banter to himself, which lasts for about 15 minutes. Almost every night. I wonder if he's talking to aliens? That would be awesome. Anyway, his milestones are usually a complete surprise to me since he practices alone. Also, it's truly amazing how quickly he tires of certain situations. One day he laughs his ass off when I play peek-a-boo, then the next day while attempting to humor him through the same game, I swear to God he gives me a look like "You stupid fool, you look like an moron trying to amuse me." So I decide to tickle his feet and he laughs hysterically. Two days later I tickle his feet and the way he looks at me like he might as well be saying "Mom, I feel sorry for you. You're pitiful." Oh, the joys. I love Sawyer like Democrats love taxes.

Happy President's Day!

A Proclamation by the 16th President of the United States --- Abraham Lincoln

"Whereas, the Senate of the United States, devoutly recognizing the Supreme Authority and just Government of Almighty God, in all the affairs of men and of nations, has, by a resolution, requested the President to designate and set apart a day for National prayer and humiliation. And whereas it is the duty of nations as well as of men, to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God, to confess their sins and transgressions, in humble sorrow, yet with assured hope that genuine repentance will lead to mercy and pardon; and to recognize the sublime truth, announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord.

And, insomuch as we know that, by His divine law, nations like individuals are subjected to punishments and chastisements in this world, may we not justly fear that the awful calamity of civil war, which now desolates the land, may be but a punishment, inflicted upon us, for our presumptuous sins, to the needful end of our national reformation as a whole People? We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us!

It behooves us then, to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness. Now, therefore, in compliance with the request, and fully concurring in the views of the Senate, I do, by this my proclamation, designate and set apart Thursday, the 30th. day of April, 1863, as a day of national humiliation, fasting and prayer. And I do hereby request all the People to abstain, on that day, from their ordinary secular pursuits, and to unite, at their several places of public worship and their respective homes, in keeping the day holy to the Lord, and devoted to the humble discharge of the religious duties proper to that solemn occasion.

All this being done, in sincerity and truth, let us then rest humbly in the hope authorized by the Divine teachings, that the united cry of the Nation will be heard on high, and answered with blessings, no less than the pardon of our national sins, and the restoration of our now divided and suffering Country, to its former happy condition of unity and peace. In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed. Done at the City of Washington, this thirtieth day of March, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the United States the eighty seventh."

September 22, 1862

If you know me, you know I love music.

When I was a young teenager, I watched footage of the 1968 Monterey Pop Festival where Jimi Hendrix was introduced to American audiences. On stage, this crazy looking man licked his guitar, humped it and groped it as though he was fucking it. I was mesmerized. Intrigued. Maybe a little jealous that I was born a girl and couldn't get away with doing that. After Hendrix got off on his guitar, he began to play it with his teeth as well as backwards. Lastly he proceeded to burn the guitar on stage as the audience looked on in shock. After watching this crazy shit, I became infatuated with Hendrix and electric guitar. Soon I only listened to classic rock during a time when bubblegum pop and dance tunes were popular amongst girls my age. Older people would tell me they couldn't believe I listened to stuff they listened to as a kid. I didn't understand why they were surprised. It was GOOD music!! Not just good, it was almost orgasmic. To this day I probably know more about classic rock than people who actually lived it. I must also give credit to my Dad who taught me the importance of classic rock. He was in a band when he was younger and also taught guitar lessons to make a living. One of my first memories is being in the bathtub while my Dad played guitar for me.

Anyway, soon after, I watched tapes with concert footage of Led Zeppelin. After their sets, the group walked around with beautiful women on both arms with a flasks in hand. My idols. I scared my Mom after this -- I heard the word "groupies" being referred to these gorgeous ladies, so I told my mom "I want to be a groupie" not realizing it was pretty much a term for "slut." She laughed and told me that wasn't an occupation and it was actually a bad thing. Really? A bad thing to hang out with rock stars? The boys at school did NOT compare to these awesome dudes on TV. It's a good thing I didn't follow my dreams of going to California (no pun intended on the Zeppelin song) and finding some rock stars to "hang with" or else I'd be in some STD clinic somewhere.

This blog will contain many ramblings about my love for music. It's my passion. Jimi Hendrix once said "Music is my religion." Thanks Jimi.

Mike Tyson in "The Hangover"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_oAvdvQW18

If you haven't seen "The Hangover" PLEASE DO. Most people have seen it but if you haven't, maybe you'll be inclined to see it after watching some funny as shit clips. I'll probably post random scenes every now and then. I saw this movie last Christmas day with my family and we literally cried from laughing so hard. Really don't know what else to say about this. This whole paragraph sucks. Just watch the clip.

It's embarrassing when my dog barks at black people.

My goldendoodle (golden retriever + poodle) Bear is completely awesome. Except there's one issue. He barks at black people. It leads me to believe Bear is a racist. And that's totally not cool. He normally doesn't bark as he freely runs around our front yard. But there is a man who walks up and down the street doing yardwork for various people. When Bear spots the man he stops in his tracks and stares for a good, oh, 10 seconds and then disrespectfully barks his ass off. This gentleman feels the need to walk across to the other side of the street while apprehensively muttering "nice dog... nice dog" and holds his hand out as if it's going to protect him (yeah right). Bear would never run after him because Bear is SCARED SHITLESS of him. So there I am awkwardly waving at him while inaudibly saying "sorry for my racist dog." Oh well. This happens on an almost daily basis.